So, I don't blog much these days. I'm not journaling or emailing like I used to either. This season of my working/mom life doesn't leave much time or energy to document my thoughts. But we're doing great. Physically -- oof that was rough, but apparently I'm tougher than I thought. The first of many follow-up tests has shown no signs of remaining disease. So, I can take a deep breath and look forward to a long life where I eventually die of something other than cervical cancer. My beautiful daughter is fine, too. Considering all the agony we went through counting the days and weeks until she'd be a viable fetus, she's turned out ridiculously strong, fat, and healthy. There's no sign, anywhere on her, of the whole ordeal. I've looked.
Emotionally, it's a longer road. I'm trying to be honest with myself about the rough spots while enjoying the sweet ones. I don't think I've figured it out yet. I did find unexpected inspiration in this Sunset Magazine article about Susan Marinello, a Seattle Interior Designer. Her picture caught my eye -- she has a calm and confident look and very skinny arms. The article describes her background (fashion model, interior designer) and her philosophy (enlarging small spaces by bringing outdoorsy palettes inside). When it comes to color, she says, "I'm not afraid."
I loved this -- I love that Susan Marinello is unafraid of color. It makes me wonder why I'm afraid so often. I compared myself to her. Am I afraid because my arms haven't been that skinny since the 9th grade? I tried to dismiss her as a lightweight, with nothing to fear in life than choosing the wrong green or blue. But that devalues the work of any businesswoman with a marriage and big clients -- on a daily basis, she's likely taking on as much responsibility as I ever have practicing law (which can make me afraid) or mothering two young children (which makes me very, very afraid).
Which might mean, that all my trials (literally) and tribulations, in the end, are just so much green and blue. What is there to be afraid of?
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